Big Bee has entered tweenhood full swing this year - the year that she turns 11. There are now a lot more peer pressure, more playdates (or outings, as the tweens would like these to be called) where parents are strictly kept out of (!). Her priorities had shifted to her friends (although she is still a very homely girl who loves her family a lot!). She has more unfathomable meltdowns and mood swings over issues which we parents think are trivial, and she is a lot more sensitive about her privacy.
Welcome to the challenging world of tweenhood - where they are straddling that thin line between childish innocence and cynical adolescence, where parents like us cannot help but still perceive them as our little babies, although they are actually struggling to break free of our smothering embraces in public (although they can still be very affectionate in private, at home! "Just play it chill in public, please, Mum, for goodness' sake!") Sigh.
Last Sunday, Hubby and I reluctantly agreed to letting her attend her best friend's birthday party at the Marine Life Park of RWS. When I first received the SMS from the birthday girl's mum, I was unfazed, thinking that she would be safe, just going to the S.E.A Aquarium. Until the mother informed me to pack a swimsuit for Big Bee for the Adventure Cove Park.
Thoughts of big, dangerous waterslides and deep, thrashing wave pools circulated around my head. I could not imagine Big Bee with a handful of close friends, with minimal adult supervision, going crazy all alone in a large water theme park. What if an accident happens? What if she slipped and fell? What if she met some baddie stranger? Lots of negative, imaginary incidents started populating in my crazed mind.
We could easily say no to her outing, but this will undermine her trust in us, and could possibly aggravate her alienation from us. I thus spent the whole Sunday twiddling my thumbs (while enjoying some precious quality time with Little Bee!) and waiting for her to text me once in a while - filled with worry and trepidation.
At the end of the day, she came back - radiant, joyous and liberated in the fact that she had such wonderful fun with friends. And yakked incessantly about all the fabulous water rides she took with her friends. And I am sort of relieved that I had not disagreed to this outing.
I guess this is the beginning of yet another threshold for Big Bee and me. The threshold of letting go for a parent. The new chapter of balancing my child's personal social life with her family life. The dawn of a new era where I need to sit back in the shadows, quietly observing her with eagle-sharp eyes, and letting her grapple with life's realities on her own, only to emerge from the shadows with help whenever she asked for me.
2 comments:
Oh man, waterpark? I would have freaked out! I don't know if I would have agreed to the outing. When I was in P5 or 6, I wanted to go to the zoo with my friends. My mum disallowed. I was the only one in the gang who did not get to go. I was pretty devastated and hated her for a few days.
It's definitely a new era for you huh? Even for me now, I find I have to readjust my parenting style quite a bit since the girl is in P1.
K: Sorry for the late response - but yes, I was freaking out like half the day. But by their age, and with peer pressure, sometimes it is hard to keep on holding them back. Eg, this year, they will have 2 overseas trips with their schools - without parents! She asked me not to be too kancheong and trust her, and let her go for the trips. I will not be able to sleep a wink every night!
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