A Papa's Recollection Of The Horrifying Incident

Nothing can sum up the word "fear" in all my years that I had lived. It was the scariest moment that I had encountered till date. Now I understand how and why parents are so nervous and anxious about their kids (like when the moments my mum restricted my joining the school's prestigious rugby team and my dad refusing to let me buy a motor bike when I was 21 years old).

I am not the old-schooled parent who refuse to let their kids try new activities (probably due to my personal experience). I had always thought a few falls and abrasions here and there will help build up the kid's own personal learning space and experience.

One defining moment changed my perception forever.

Imagine this : you see your kid hitting a pole at high-speed, on the ground bleeding and crying...and you are helpless. All you wished for at that moment is to run back the clock and wished you've made certain decisions carefully - like whether I should have allowed my child to learn horse-riding despite going against the wants of my kid.

The recollection of the horrifying incident is not something that you can control when a shocking thing happened. It comes to your mind all so suddenly and every now and then. Just today (1 day after it had happened), the flashback happened at least 5 times and the "what-ifs" worse case scenarios had happened instead.

I was there outside the riding arena happily filming and taking photos of Big Bee periodically. She was smiling whenever she rode past me and even smiled coyly at me when she saw me taking her picture. That was before it happened. So quickly.

The scene moved from a quiet afternoon to absolute turmoil and I was placed instantly into a conundrum situation. I barely saw her horse rushing at full speed towards the barricade and Big Bee being flung off her horse and hearing Ruby her trainer shout some gibberish outbursts. Next thing I knew I saw the back of Ruby sitting on the floor and impeding my view of my little girl. I saw Ruby clutching her shirt and seemingly wiping something off - at first, I thought it was perspiration but when she did a few more times, it struck me that it was definitely something more serious.

I shouted at the trainer as she was still impeding my view and I was desperate for an answer. "Hey Ruby, is she OK?". "Oh, she's fine...she's just winded". I did not believe her. I shouted and insisted that I be let into the ring. I ran probably the fastest ever and when I reached her side - I saw my bubbly girl turned into a sight of blood and tears. She was on the floor with blood streaming out from the side of her eyes and let me tell you this - at that moment - you won't know where the injury is and what to do. I simply asked her "Are you alright, dear?" which I knew was the silliest, most-assuring thing I could conjure up.

She did not answer me. Or maybe she did by sobbing uncontrollably. The trainer was trying to be assuring by saying " don't worry, you won't be a horse-rider till you fall off at least 10 times".
My foot. What BS. What insensitive thing to say.

The trainer was hapless. What I summoned up was something I never knew I had...putting the most courageous front to then ask for a first aid kit so that I could apply pressure on her eye to prevent blood from getting further into her vision. So many people gawked at both Papa and Big Bee rushing from one area to another all this while.

I rushed her to Thompson Medical Center emergency but the doctors there told me to go to another hospital where they had better facilities like KK Hospital. Before I fumed off, my remarks to the young barely out of his adulthood doctor was "In that case, Thompson Medical Center should not have an emergency ward but should be called a 24 hour clinic". This would be less misleading to the public. And a side thought that ran up while moving off to KK Hospital - I am sure there are some who were in need of desparate medical treatment being mislead by hospitals having emergency wards. All this while, my Big Bee's eye was still bleeding.

Then, came the shocker. Big Bee told me along the way that her spine (in the middle section) was painful. It's one thing to have blood on your kid's eye and definitely another notch-up in adrenaline to have another spinal cord injury. You try not to think of the worst but the at the same time, you think of it to prepare yourself for the worst.

When we reached KKH, we were again told to wait in line. Stupid system - take a number (which I did - number 345 and they were calling out 307, 308) and wait for your turn. By the way, there were at least 30-40 people in front of us. Big Bee's bleeding had not stopped but has reduced significantly by now...still a case for my concern. No seats, her back was painful, I had to do something.

I went to the counter nurses and shouted loudly in front of all those people (mostly fever cases) that my kid needed help to stop the blood flow into her eye immediately. Can someone please attend to her first...I will wait in line but it makes sense to help bandage her wound first right? I had to ask for their bosses for this to happen. And mind you, it takes a few arguments with logic to finally get them do the necessary. Even the person with a sick child behind me was asking the nurse and doctor to attend to my daughter first.

Big Bee was crying a bit here and then while we were for our turn for the doctor checkup and X-Ray. She was more afraid of staying over at the hospital overnight and kept asking me to be at her side. Papa, I don't want to stay overnight here. Please stay with me, OK? I realized that I am the only person that she could rely on at that moment and could not let her down. I calmly told her not to worry and she would be home before she knew it...kept saying calm things like "Papa also had such football injuries before", "a small cut", "go home later and have dinner and a nice bath". I still am unaware of the results of the X-Ray of her spinal cord and the final diagnose of her eye injury.

When her turn came, a Doctor Ng added to my woes. He asked mechanical questions like a Gorblock, blur Sotong, stoner book worm - least re-assuring to my already panicking daughter. He frightened her by saying that he needed to stitch her wound (I think Big Bee's mind must be thinking at the moment of needles and the pain factor"...either his command of English is not too good for a doctor or he is simply insensitive by not para-phrasing.

But the most ridiculous thing was that he said that he needed to apply something like a LA or GA (not clear to me what was what that he had mumbled" but his recommendation was to put my little Big Bee to sleep for an hour while they stitch her eye wound up. To my horror, I asked whether I am entitled to another opinion - he gave the "you don't believe me - I am the doctor look". What I really meant was to have my wife involved in this important decision. Putting my daughter to sleep was not one of the things that I want to agree to. And to agree to alone.

I asked my wife to come into the room (she was with my other little Bee outside the ward). My wife is the most intelligent woman I ever met and she managed to convince this doctor to use a less dangerous approach to have numbing cream and panadol (pain-killer) approach instead of an easy way out - using GA/LA. As a family, it dawned on me that it was absolutely important to have intelligent spouse to help each other in times of need, complementing each other.

Her back is OK and the stitching went well. I was so relieved that everything is OK. Whenever I look at Big Bee now, I simply cannot help wondering what if the pole (fence) had hit her eyeball or her spine is really injured, anything could happened if it moved a few inches to the left or right...the possibilities scare me...then both my wife and myself will never forgive ourselves for putting our child into such dangerous situations.