Riding No More

Big Bee had been learning horseback riding since she was 5, simply because she loves horses. However, after today, she would have no more riding lessons.

For she fell from her regular horse, Blaze, during a riding class at 5.30pm just now, and suffered a bad cut to her eye as well as a severe bruise around the eye. We spent a good 4 hours in the emergency section of KK Hospital, and I must say she had been a brave girl, with just a few brief outbursts of tears, naturally. Hubby was at the riding class (I was at home with Little Bee) so he was the one putting up a courageous front, dabbing the initial outpour of blood and trauma from Big Bee. I am thankful that he maintained a facade of composure in front of Big Bee, although as parents, our first reactions would be a conspicuous panic attack.

She went through a couple of stitches for the cut on her eyelid, holding onto my hand, closing her eyes and without knowing that the doctor was administering stitches to her. I simply told her the doctor and nurses were washing the wound on her eyelid. Thanks also to the local anaesthetic cream that they applied on her eye and a dosage of Paracetamol to suppress the pain. The doctors and nurses were also wonderful in distracting her by chatting about her school and her missing 2 front teeth. She only complained of itchiness as I witnessed the stitches going through her skin. The normally squeamish me put up a false front of bravado and explained every single step of what the doctor was doing to her (minus the stitches, of course!), and that calmed her down considerably.

Poor Little Bee was hanging outside in the oppressive heat (the emergency room was too packed with sick children!), first with me during the long waiting time, then with Hubby as Big Bee was going through her stitches. But she brought a sense of temporary reprieve for us from our overwhelming anxiety and overbearing melancholy - with her innocence and laughter. I told her, "Jie Jie fell down from a horse, you know" and she looked at me with shocked big eyes and a questioning "huh?", before uttering "Jie Jie pain pain!". When she first saw Big Bee, who cried the moment she saw me walk into the emergency room, her little nose turned red as well, her sparkling eyes glistened with emerging tears and she sayanged Big Bee by stroking her hair. Sweetness indeed.

We are stopping Big Bee's equestrian activities as these are deemed as high risk for children her age. And no riding lessons for Little Bee as well. Big Bee had always been lauded by her riding instructors as an excellent rider. Which was why they are always trying to push her that little bit further, that miniscule step more, without really knowing if she could handle it or not. Today's accident arose because her instructor asked her to ride without stirrups, no doubt training her balance. And Blaze suddenly picked up speed from trotting to cantering to galloping within seconds, according to Big Bee, and for a young rider like her without stirrups, she just lost control.

Everything happened so quickly that Hubby and Big Bee still could not really registered what really happened. It brings a chilly shiver up my spine when I realised what a split second could do to change people's lives.

Sometimes, I think, we are always told to push our children to excellence, but there lies such a thin line between excellence and tragedy. A little nudge and off our children may spiral down the other dark, unwanted side. This applies to everything they do in their lives. I think what I really want for them would be happiness, contentment, the right values and most importantly, health.

Fortunately, she had taken an X-ray of her back, and her back and spine seemed fine. She has been given 5 days medical leave from primary school and we had been told to closely monitor her for the next few days.

We all came back at 10.30pm, emotionally drained and physically fatigued. Big Bee was back to her calm and confident self, and she was just very worried about the aesthetic aspects of her bruised and bloodied eye. She was shocked when she first saw herself in the mirror after the stitches. She asked me, "Mummy, do you hate me because I am so ugly?" I told her with full conviction, "No, Mummy will love you no matter how ugly or beautiful you are, and to me, you are always very beautiful." She smiled a little smile.

Hubby also told her, "Big Bee, do not fear horses because of this one incident, ok? This is not the horse's fault at all." And she was somewhat reassured.

When the Bees slept, Hubby and I looked at each other with sad expressions. We compared our similar emotions - wrenched heart, zero appetite, nervous melancholy. And for me, I don't think I could sleep a wink tonight...