Now that the furor had died down with regards to the Singapore National Library Board banning a few children's books and then reinstating a couple of them back in the adult section, I thought it might be an appropriate time to finally relate what I had been sharing with my kids about this whole saga.
Truth be told, I was exasperated with the National Library Board (NLB) for initially censoring the books - not because I was siding any side of the LGBT factions here - but because I seethed at the thought that NLB tried acting as an omniscient, all-knowing power who thinks they could control what the general population wants. Unnecessary and partisan censorship was at the heart of the issue for me.
Now that everything had died down, it is not necessary to talk about the antipathy I felt against the banning of these books. Instead, I wanted to relate how I brought my children into the heart of the discussion, as this is something that will be so fundamental in their society in future - analysing how media and society portray different issues to the population. In this day and age where internet and online articles are so prevalent, how do we nurture our children to question what they read and develop informed perspectives of their own?
I always believe in opening all communications with my children from a very young age with regards to knowledge and information. I prefer to expose them to all kinds of issues from young and discussing with them about values, rather than shielding them and compartmentalising different knowledge to age-appropriate categories. Because I do not believe there is an appropriate age for knowledge. Instead, I feel that if they had been sheltered for too long, they might be moulded by societal and peer pressures to form views that I have no control over. Hence, I prefer to transfer knowledge to them directly and have them voice out their thoughts honestly to me. Which is why sex education started at the age of 4 in my household. And why we talked about sensitive issues of death, war, rape and molestation from the age of 7. Of course, values are a big part of the discussions, and I would like to start influencing their value system from a young age, before they form any pre-conceived judgements of their own. (Again, sometimes I also have issues with me being an omniscient, all-knowing entity to my kids...but that is a story for another time!)
Being aware of societal issues and our attitudes towards these issues is very important to me. Which is why I decided to let the Bees read "And Tango Makes Three" during the heart of the saga. So that they could understand all sides of the discussions. It was initially hilarious as we settled down to read a "banned" book. You know how thrilled kids are when they access something that is banned!
As we read the book, the Bees had reactions and insights that were very surprisingly mature, and we discussed about issues of censorship, love, LGBT and society's acceptance of myriad people. I let them know my viewpoints of certain issues, and they responded with their own perspectives. Of course, being 8 and 12 years old also meant that they already had pre-conceived notions of certain issues in life, and I found our discussions refreshing because I also learned unexpected perceptions from them.
It was an illuminating afternoon of open discussion and understanding each of my girls' thoughts, perspectives and personalities. But one thing that hit me was: despite all the belligerence in the mass media, the Bees remained unfazed and nonchalant, and wondered what the fuss was all about. I guess this confirmed my belief that children tend to be more curious if we shield them from knowledge. And instead of letting them harbour misinformed judgements on their own, I would rather be there every step of the way while I can.
3 comments:
Ah, you are not sharing their perspectives? But I get it. That's not the point here. :)
I started on the topic of death very early. Not because I planned it. Actually they get exposed to lots of topics from very young. If they're curious enough to ask, I will answer factually. I remember some parents were shocked when they heard my conversations with my kids on death. They said it's a taboo topic. I didn't really understand. The kids' perspective on it turned out hilarious actually.
Recently, Barry initiated a long and serious chat with me on marriage. I was so impressed. Maybe I'll blog about it so you can read. Haha. Like you, I love hearing the kids' perspectives. They're always refreshing. And I am always reminded that I underestimate them. At a young age, their thought processes are already amazing. Right?
And oh, last thing. I hope to keep this conversation channel open. I assured the kids that whenever they want to talk to me, I will listen, if not immediately. I might be busy and distracted sometimes but I will always always want to listen to what they want to say. I think that is very important.
To add, to let them know we will always be a listening ear is important. But they must also know they can air their views to me, without being judged. That I would rather they tell me their bad deeds than keep it from me. Of course, as a mum, I can point them towards goodness, righteousness and virtuousness.
I always punish cover-ups more than an admission to bad behavior. (I think I am straying away from the topic. haha. so much to talk about!)
K: Sorry for the uber late reply! Haha. Yes, like you, we touched on sensitive topics like religion, evolution of mankind, death, sex and LGBT issues from a young age. Like you, I would rather have an open discussion with them when they were young (and therefore think I am awesome, wahahah), rather than letting them first talk about such issues with their friends! I think you are doing a great job with your kids, and I love your blog post on Barry's discussion about marriage!
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