Elections Fever

Elections fever had been raging for the past 9 days, and it had never been a more exciting and breathtaking time in Singapore politics. For the first time, I am seriously torn with my choices (I never was!), and until now, am still ruminating over many questions. What do I want for my future as a Singaporean? What should we be thinking about when choosing our government? How can our national identity be solidified further? How sustainable is Singapore in the long term, and who can help us forge ahead? What defines happiness? Simplicity, contentment, being surrounded by the people you love? Or economic growth, stable jobs, high incomes? Do we want Singapore to be run like an enterprise? Or do we want the kampong spirit to be back, albeit in a simpler, less stressful Singapore? 

For those of us with a deep love for our country, we need to truly think about what we want as a future Singapore...and really analyse options from many different perspectives and parties. We had achieved immense growth as a country in the past 50 years and no one can disagree with that. Moving forward, are there more avenues of growth as our country matures? What defines future happiness? Future successes? Future growth? Are there other ways of analysing successes other than material growth or increasing GDP? What about the emotional health of Singaporeans?

On Cooling-Off Day, I had been reflecting about how enlivening this whole GE2015 journey had been. It is an awakening of sorts for Singaporeans, where we are able to immerse in open dialogue, liberal thrashing of different candidates and parties and mass rally gatherings. Most amusingly, such discussions are probably the root of many split party opinions within families and friends!

But I view all these as highly positive signs - that we are able to debate openly, sometimes irrationally, sometimes persuasively, but mostly vehemently. And by us doing so, it merely proves that all of us deeply love our country, that we care about where Singapore is heading, that we harbour hopes for the future of Singapore. And most importantly, that we all feel we can create change and have the liberty to choose. And the amazing thing is that all these rigorous debates were conducted in full respect of peace and harmony, with no violence, physical fights or acts of terrorism that had been so commonly linked to election seasons in many countries.

So I am truly thankful for this journey, allowing us to truly ruminate and reflect in the face of intense, spirited and energetic debates. Never have I felt so much like a Singaporean, even at the cusp of possible changes and possibilities. Never have I felt so gratified that I live in this country, witnessing the subtle ripples of changes that - hopefully - will create a better Singapore for our children, where open dialogue, intelligent discourse and a unified love for our country, exists. Whatever the results are tomorrow, we know that we have groups of passionate individuals who dearly love Singapore and who wants to help the country ride to better heights, however you define those heights. Majulah Singapura! 

"I am not a brave man, but I love Singapore and I love Singaporeans." ~ Chiam See Tong

Finality...and Continuity

Last week had been unabashedly emotional and exhaustingly heavy-hearted - almost surreal in so many ways. Surreal in the sense that I shared this sense of forlorn bereavement with a whole country. A country whose people had always been criticised to be emotionless, passive and expressionless - just because we may not be understood in the same cultural context or measured in similar hues of socially agreeable behaviour as other cultures.

I had been thinking a lot about that feeling of emptiness when I woke up every morning last week. Those bursts of sentimentality and tears which are so rare for me, the constant appreciation and gratitude when I looked at everything around me - and even guilt for all those times I had taken Singapore and the lives we built up here for granted.

And even till today, I reflect back in wonderment - how, even in his death, Lee Kuan Yew managed to inspire a nation to stand up on our feet - literally - in order to bid farewell to him in so many ways. But seriously, how do we say goodbye to a great visionary? Granted, he was not the only architect of Singapore, that there was a team of brilliant strategists alongside him. But what makes a great leader indeed? He is truly the embodiment of a real leader - ruthless when the time called for it, and prophetic in uncanny ways. There is plenty for modern Singaporeans like us to emulate from him - to stand up for ourselves against supposed giants with different ideologies, to fight for our rights as Singaporeans, and to reinforce our very unique identity in a world where larger nations constantly fight for cultural hegemony.

So, it had been hard to bid farewell to this giant of giants, not because we will miss him as a person, but because it is like saying goodbye to what he represents, and the slow dawning of trepidation for the future of Singapore without these values.

Which is why last week would be indelible in my memory forever because we came together as a nation to mourn a great man and what he stands for - resilience, perseverance, determination, pride and unity. Regardless of inconsequential demographics like race, religion, language or socio-economical strata. And I hope these values continue to feature significantly in our future.

I think the deep-seated emotions that many of us felt last week were reflections of the pride we harboured as Singaporeans and what our little nation stands for - despite a barrage of criticisms and pressures from other nations. Many times, our perspectives towards nation building had evolved through the many stages in our lives. But for many of us who hailed from low-income families, we are deeply gratified for this system of meritocracy which provided us with umpteen opportunities and which helped us break through the cycles of neediness. And this meritocratic education system (which is evolving in dangerous ways these days, unfortunately) is something that I am personally very thankful for, because it changed the life of my family.

Much had been written about the unity of Singaporeans, the deep-seated emotions and pride harboured by many of us in our country - as well as the potential to finally be a gracious society. Yet, I constantly worry if our children would understand and grasp the frailty of our so-called success and security. Will they be resilient enough to continue this fight? To stand up for themselves as Singaporeans in future? To continually sustain a country without any natural resources? To carve out a stronger national identity and culture for themselves?

Yet, the glimpse of our Singapore spirit last week was a hope for a future where Singaporeans can fight on and keep our identity burning strong. This hope of unity, this seed of gratitude and the belief that we should stand up for our little island nation and all that we represent...these laid the foundation for much of my broiling emotions last week. There are many imperfections in our country, I do acknowledge that, and yet there is so much raw potential. We definitely have much to do and to work towards. More importantly, there is never a time when the words Majulah Singapura meant so much for many of us. Let us not forget and continue fighting on! And indeed, to let our children realise the importance of fighting on as well.

It was uncanny how the heavens poured with the march of the funeral procession on that unforgettable Sunday. And how the skies miraculously cleared after that...giving way to a beautiful, tangerine-tinged sunset. And maybe even creating rainbows with the inevitable blend of retreating raindrops and shy, emerging sunrays. An era is over, and it is up to us to write the chapters for the next era. Like Lee Kuan Yew once said, "...look at the horizon, find that rainbow, go ride it." Will we be able to spot the many rainbows over Singapore, or better yet, help create one, and continue the legacy of Singapore from now on? It is all entirely up to us, this much I know.

The Road Not Taken

Robert Frost is one of my favourite poets, and I really love his evocative poems about nature, love and sorrow. He had an amazing power to convey the smallest nuances of reality through his concise but vivid writings.

Recently, I chanced upon this poem of his again (The Road Not Taken, as reflected below). As a mother, I thought long and hard about how I can convey this message to my children, how I should be imbuing in them the inspiration to do what they truly want, even if that would be unconventional and different from the others. I also thought about how this poem can inspire them not to be too easily influenced by peer pressure, especially with Big Bee embarking onto her tweenhood journey.

And most of all, I thought about what we should really be teaching our children in a stressful Singapore - to go with the flow of rigid studies based on rote-learning, or to listen to their hearts and excel in something they are good at? I guess the big question would be: Can we parents learn to accept the different roads our children may choose to take? How can we be sure that we will always be standing beside them, advocating them unconditionally, without putting any of our expectations on them?

These are tough questions as our children grow bigger, with more societal pressures on them. But I hope to be always inspired by my own mother, who had always advised me to follow my dreams and to pursue my passions. In an age when most parents preached professional degrees like Medicine and Law, I remember vividly the day that she told me to follow my heart when I was choosing between a law degree and a more broad-based communications and social sciences one. Most parents will nudge their children to a professional degree, but my own mother took a look at me and said, "I do not think a legal profession will be suitable for you, and I do not think you will be happy. Just choose what you are interested in." It was a bold and wise statement coming from a woman without much education, and it had remained indelible in my mind since then. And since then, I had never felt happier in my university journey and my various careers.

Will I be able to tell my children the same message when they come to the same crossroads?

The Road Not Taken

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim
Because it was grassy and wanted wear,
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I marked the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I,
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

Robert Frost

Back In Business (Hopefully)

The first quarter of 2013 had trundled along, and I just realised that I did not blog a single entry in February...yet, we are now in the middle of March. The speed at which time zooms past us constantly amazes me. Memories of last October where Little Bee was preparing for her K2 graduation celebration were still fresh in my mind. Yet, in reality, she had already eased into a new chapter in her life, adjusting perfectly to life in primary 1. My mind was still speckled with memories of my little celebration with Big Bee for her 10th birthday last year, and now, we are staring at the imminent approach of her 11th birthday next month.

As I look at how crazily fast time slithers through our fingers, I decided that I cannot let this little blog of ours lapse. Remembering indelible moments in our lives is so much more important than working on that extra email or work project. So, I am trying my best to pick up the little pieces of my neglected blog, and would be posting a lot of back posts.

Work had been so insidiously busy that it is overwhelming, but I am glad that I can still spend quality time with the girls and family by attempting to be home early. It is essential that we spend quality time with the kids as working mothers, and if I have to work, I will only do so after the kids sleep. Which is why I am just so exhausted on some days.

For now, I am trying to do more blogging because I realise that I miss the writing. Let's hope I will keep to my own promise :)

Colours Of Nature Part 1

Last Saturday morning, Little Bee and I were at home working on some craft for our current homelearning theme, whilst Big Bee and hubby were out for her enrichment classes. It was a great time spent solo with Little Bee, as we could focus on so many wonderful activities as well as bonded so marvelously together. I can never underestimate how important it is to have private, one-on-one time with each child so that they feel that extra tinge of being a special individual.

Little Bee and I traipsed about in our estate's garden under the warm fuzzy sunlight, diligently picking leaves for our craft. All kinds of leaves in brilliant hues. We took turns cutting out leaves in resplendent shades of colours, with Little Bee identifying and selecting those leaves in tints of red, maroon and pink - bright, rich and happy colours. 

Back home, she helped me to cut out the leaves from their stalks and then we immersed all the leaves in a tantalizing dance of water ballet to bathe them, as they swirled about gracefully, in a bewitching masquerade of dazzling fall colours. It was amazing - there is no autumn in Singapore, yet, we have an entire pail of leaves in enthralling tones of fall.

 

Little Bee was mesmerized by the leaves whirling, twirling and swirling in the bucket, and could not keep her hands away from the pail, swishing them in a magical, enchanting circle of spellbinding luminosity. 

After ample time in the bucket, we fished out the leaves, spotless, glistening and shimmering - and laid them all out to dry under the sparkling, scintillating sunshine. 

Enjoy the colours of nature. Look around us and overwhelm our senses with the psychedelic colours that are such a fundamental part of the planet we should feel so very proud to call home. And teach our children to appreciate, nurture and treasure this miracle that is our home. 

Blossoming Socialite

Big Bee's social life is now thriving with myriad parties thrown by her kindergarten and primary school pals - social functions that parents are not invited to, nor encouraged to attend :( She also has many exclusive playdates with her friends that parents are not allowed to be part of. 

With all her good friends in all manners of playdates and parties! 

Seeing her breeze into these parties and then picking her up thereafter left me feeling bittersweet that she now has this mysterious life with her friends that Mummy is not a part of. These gaping holes, these fissures in her life made me realise that parenthood is akin to a permanent job with temporary project management of our children. They are only fleeting gifts, precious as they may be. Soon, they will be independent and create building blocks of their own separate lives, whilst throwing a (hopefully) thick rope of connection to us old parents marooned in the boring wilderness. 

She would come back to us after the parties or playdates, giggling, with her mind full of the wonderful memories of friendship and camaraderie, sometimes not wanting to share too much of these activities with us. I also caught her hiding in some corner of the house, whispering to friends on the phone and scribbling little notes to friends furtively, hiding these messages of hurried writing. 

These are the early signs of gradual self-reliance. The signs that all of us parents are eagerly anticipating yet dreading with apprehensive trepidation. Signs that hint to us....what are the plans for ourselves - us as a longtime married couple, us as individuals - when the nest is empty? 

But for now, I still relish in seeing my darlings sub-consciously clasping my hand when sleeping next to me, yelling "Mummyyyyy!" at every inconsequential instance and clinging dutifully to us during every outing and holiday. 

Cognizance

I happened to wake up at 6am this morning, despite it being a Sunday. I guess it must be a result of the body clock subtly ringing its internal alarm after all the weekdays of waking at the same time. 

It was a luxury to be able to be awake before all the hustle and bustle when Hubby and kids wake up. To have a few moments of tranquil silence for myself to reflect on. To be attuned to the sounds and smells of the awakening earth in the vivification of dawn without any foreground or background distractions of children, husband or daily chores. Just awareness of myself as an individual riding the crest of a stirring day. 

As mothers, I think all of us know how precious these moments are. Yes, it is enlivening to have children clamouring for our attention the whole day long. It is gratifying for our husbands to plan home movie nights after the children had drifted off to dreamland. But it is also important to be up, awake, refreshed and rejuvenated after a satisfying night's rest, to be by ourselves, in a state of halcyon solitude, restfully listening to our thoughts and the senses in our bodies. Feeling close to Mother Nature, listening to birds chirping to the rising sun, feeling the crisp cool morning air caressing our faces, observing the nascent light of the day gradually blossoming in the lightening sky. 

This morning, I chose to indulge in a round of yoga to further harmonize myself with the reviving earth. It is the best form of exercise that I had been enjoying since a decade back. Stretching the limbs of our body. Reflecting inwardly. Meditating amidst full awareness of a rising dawn. Beauty beyond description. 

Thereafter, my senses became more acute, my preception was more judicious, my spirit and body more fortified for the chores of the day ahead. (And my PMS angst more subdued, haha) Exquisite indeed. 

Being Mothers

A very close friend and I had an interesting discussion this evening about how motherhood is one of the most thankless jobs in the world. That got me reflecting late at night and true indeed, once we become a mother, our lives certainly turned topsy turvy. The overwhelming joy of seeing your kids shine their big loving eyes on you. The dark despair when we are overcome with utmost fatigue yet we still need to appear strong in front of the children (especially during those dire hours of night fevers!). The vile frustration when we see the children fighting raucously over petty issues or flaunting their anger at you.

Ever since I became a mother more than 7 years ago, I never would have imagine this wealth of emotions of being a mother. More than anything, I never would have imagine the expectations we set upon ourselves to be the pinnacle of the household, ensuring everything runs at tip top condition and in perfect timing. From making sure the kids rise and shine, to ensuring that they are healthy and that all meals are taken care of, to bringing them to school on time, to making sure they learn as well as play, to maintaining sibling harmony with strong values imbued in them. 

And as my big one gets older, I realised the role of a mother changes as well. No more pampering them too much or they would feel claustrophobic. No more incessant fussing over them as you begin to hear an irritable undertone when they exclaimed, "Mummy! I know, I know!" Didn't we all use this undertone at some points of our lives with our own mothers?

Being a mother certainly is a lifelong job. And we are expected to amend our job descriptions at different stages of our kids' lives so that we do not end up alienating ourselves from them. We also need to set the expectations right with regards to our spouses. Life is never rosy nor easy. 

But what we can do is, as women and fellow mothers, to understand each other's roles and show support and a listening ear to one another. And for ourselves to thank us, without needing others to thank us. Giving ourselves a pat in our own backs, hugging ourselves, loving ourselves more. 

For all those stay-home moms, a salute to all your endless, tireless days of cooking, bathing and tending after the kids with infinite days of similar routines. For the working moms, a hug to drive away all those evil stresses at work where employers do not care a hoot if you are a mother or not, and having to juggle both work and caring of children back home despite our immense fatigue. 

For I think we have each other - mothers, all of us - as a powerful support network. And that being said, how about a simple word of thanks to our own moms, making them feel appreciated and loved as well? 

Finally, for me, motherhood is all the more joyous as I see my children going through the journey below...it is an amazing gift indeed. 

From this...

The Bees at around 2 weeks of their lives

To this! 

The Bees 2 weeks ago

PS: Big Bee is the baby on the left, Little Bee is the baby on the right! 

A Day Of Happiness And Joy!

The day that my family and I had been waiting for has finally arrived! My one and only younger brother is getting married! And I thought I would never see this day, after seeing him wade through the oceans of so many trials and tribulations. 

The celebration started the eve before the wedding, as per our family tradition, with my mum's sisters and brothers, together with my cousins and hence, the Bees' cousins, gathering at my mum's house, absorbing the pre-wedding day excitement and anticipation. The cousins (young and older!) had great fun bonding together as usual!

The troupe of cousins having a blast: (from left) Big Bee, Chloe, Little Bee and Val. 

The following morning, I dressed the Bees up enthusiastically - Big Bee in her long, white wedding-like dress and Little Bee in a long, red frilly halter dress. We then set forth to my mum's house to welcome the bridal party and the tea ceremony.

While waiting, I had such wonderful time catching up and chatting with my uncles, aunts and cousins from both sides of the family. Family ties are very important in my family and I had grown up with close bonds with most of my cousins.

 

Tada!! The arrival of the gorgeous bride and groom, together with their entire wedding party! 

My brother and sister-in-law looked radiant and positively beaming with pure beatitude. My sister-in-law glowed with happiness and looked so beautiful in her bridal dress and "kua". 

There was a touching moment when my sister-in-law shed tears as my mum presented her with the "four pieces of gold" in Teochew tradition. The entire family just stared on in moved silence. 

I guess in Chinese tradition, there is little or no privacy during festive events like this! Relatives were opening the door to the bridal chamber at all times, or milling outside their bedroom door, gawking at the bride and groom unashamedly. :)

Mum, Dad and the newly weds for the tea ceremony

Little Bee's turn to "serve" jiu-jiu virtual tea and to get her ang pow from the couple! 

Big Bee and Jiu-Ma in her beautiful Chinese tradition costume "kua"

We had a slight reprieve in the afternoon where we rested for a little while before dressing up and headed towards Orchard Parade Hotel for the wedding dinner. The Bees were decked to the nines with Big Bee in a enthralling red and white dress with a sash and rose petals in the chiffon layers of her dress. Little Bee wore a similar (but shorter) dress, in pretty pink and with similar red rose petals sprinkled in the loose layers of the dress. 

Big Bee told me, "Mummy, the funnest part of dinners is dressing up. I looooovvve to dress up in beautiful dresses!" And Little Bee kept telling me, "I want wear nice nice!" Goodness, the stress of having 2 vain little girls! 

Little Bee had a terrible two moment, just before leaving the house, by deciding adamantly on wearing her weekend sandals with her dinner dress! Throughout the entire dinner, we could not sway her mind away from her sandals, which she claimed fervently to me, "Nice nice shoes!!!" with a pout. 

Stage entertainment for the night :)

Hubby and I were the emcees for the wedding and I had written a script with some sisterly tidbits of information that I hope would add a bit more meaning to the wedding. Hence, I was really super excited the entire day! However, on hindsight, I really enjoyed hosting my brother's wedding :) 

Cake cutting - happiness forever! 

The wedding dinner buzz was intoxicating, with so many extended family members whom I had not seen in a long time. Hubby and I were on stage most of the time at the start of the dinner. It was so fulfilling to see the fruition of all my brother's and sister-in-law's planning, and everything flowed with perfect precision and glorious emotions.

Dramatic entrance in the bride's dazzling evening gown with the stunning head piece!

Confetti galore! 

My brother gave a stirring speech, thanking almost everyone in his life and making my mum cry (again!). Not just my mum cried, but also some of our aunties in the dinner! Wedding speeches are indeed emotive and heart-rending. 

Mum dabbing tears of joy

My sister-in-law read him a beautiful poem about love - with tears trickling from her eyes and voice quivering. We were all entranced by this poignant display of unabashed love. 

Looking at them reaffirms my belief that love can indeed transcend everything - race, religion and many other barriers. Theirs is a love with much challenges from the beginning, and it certainly fills my heart, knowing that they are now united in a marriage made in heaven :) 

A phrase that my brother told me in their early days together is indelible from my mind. He told me then, "I had never felt so happy with any one before!" And with her, he smiles more, laughs more. This is the true repercussion of love! 

PS: Living in this era of digital photography is mind-boggling. Every significant moment (like tea ceremony, entrance of couple, etc) was captured by a plethora of different digital cameras by all the wedding guests, so unlike my time! Hence, it was fantastic to see photo angles from different guests and different perspectives. Thanks to all my cousins for taking many photos and posting them on their blogs and Facebook!

And a special thanks to my cousin Tan Zexun whose photographs are featured in this blog entry. He makes a wonderful photographer! You can see more of his photos on the wedding in his blog here. 

And you can see Candice's blog on the wedding here as well :) 

Thanks cuzzies! 

Lipstick Jungle

I just spent the last 2 nights watching the entire first season of Lipstick Jungle, after the Bees slept. Though it was not as thrilling nor as exhilarating as Sex And The City when it first launched, it was as entertaining and engaged me all the same.

The show highlights the perennial problems of 3 powerful women juggling between work, family and personal lives in the harsh, still-sexist domain of the capitalist society which we women are all too familiar with. That we tried to live up and be better than our male counterparts at work, trying so hard to dispel the age-old myth that men are more superior in intelligence than women, that we try even harder at home to provide the very best for our children to make up for that lost time at work, and yet, that we still try (sometimes unsuccessfully!) to still retain some private, me-time in our social lives.

It is amazing at how the so-called "weaker sex" had made strides to being the "stronger gender's" equals. From women who are uneducated and hundred-percent dependent on their spouses just a few decades ago to equals sitting aside and even leading men in the corporate world. Yet, we are blessed with deep-seated instincts to care wholly for our children. Cheers to us indeed.

Sadly, in some parts of society, women remained incarcerated in the deep recesses of history's cruel sexist fists, unable to escape the clutches of the gender power game.

Battle Of Nature

This was a queer sign we saw beside an enormous green field. Big Bee was fascinated by it, especially since we were trudging around the same field a little while ago.

And while we were passing by this sign, we saw a giant eagle gliding and swirling around the field. We stopped the car, all 4 of us with gaping mouths and bated breaths, waiting to see if the eagle had spotted the cobra and was zero-ing into its target. The eagle swooped down so low that it was on the same level as us in the car, just a couple of metres from our vehicle, its size gigantic and majestic. Out of the blue, a gargantuan pitch-black raven plunged towards the fearsome eagle with ferocious speed, and they embarked on a graceful dance of battle, making invisible mid-air fortresses in twirling circles, with the eagle fiercely protecting its unseen prey and the raven soaring away in disappointed defeat after moments of watchful warfare.

And ironically, this morning when I woke up, Rosilyn my helper told me she discovered a long thin black snake coiled comfortably just at the threshold of our main door, fast asleep no doubt! Brave her managed to take a stick and shooed it away..wondered where it slithered to! Although we were aptly terrified (because this thin snake can easily slither underneath our main door and enter our house!), I was thinking that manytimes, humans are frightened because we find these animals unfamiliar, thereby killing to eradicate our fears. When sometimes, these animals just want a warm habitat to rest, moving on if they are not disturbed...

The beauties of nature seen so upclose. In this age and time. And at such close proximity in our modern world. Wondrous indeed.

Ad Infinitum Love?

Here's a photo of my 2 wonderful Bees a year ago. Big Bee was 5.5 years old then, and Little Bee was 3 months to reaching 1 year old.


And here's one of them taken 2 weeks ago, Big Bee at 6.5 years old and Little Bee reaching 2 years old in 3 months. See how much both of them had grown in a short span of just one year!


This evening, I was in somewhat of a bittersweet mood after reprimanding Big Bee for not proactively washing her hands. I told her sternly "You are a big girl now and will be in primary one next year. You cannot expect Mummy to always remind you to wash your hands after you dirtied them!" Big Bee nodded with a heartbreaking expression and uttered "Ok, ok" before breaking down in silent tears.

My heart was broken when I saw those tears. I hated myself then for being too harsh without knowing the limits. Though it is frustrating at times to always chase after the kids to do the "right" things, do we really want them to grow up so fast? Do we really want them to be fully independent and not rely on us to pamper them, wait on them? For once they reach an age of total independence and non-reliance, I am sure we will never cease to reminisce those times when they depended on us as the only trusted pillars of love and care, when we are the whole world to them.

Big Bee will always have a soft spot in my heart for being my first baby. Those long 4.5 years of bonding alone with her will always be indelible in my heart. Of course, I love Little Bee equally. They are both equivalent in my heart. But Big Bee remains the little girl whom Mummy and Papa love wholeheartedly and solitarily for 4 full years before Little Bee came along. I know she had adjusted to sharing our love with mei-mei now. But I know it is a difficult journey for her. Yet, sometimes, invariably, in the frantic assiduity of looking after a demanding toddler, we tend to forget that Big Bee still needs the kind of love so overflowing in her first 4 years.

A friend ever told me that she will stop at 2 children because her love is not enough for 3. She wants to shower all devotion to her 2 children. I know parental love is limitless. Yet, I cannot imagine sharing my love with more than my 2 darling Bees. Each of them deserves 200% of our love!

Travel Memoirs: Where Time Stood Still

I was in Yangon, Myanmar (aka the old Burma) for the past 3 days for work. It is one of my favourite countries, despite the political turmoil that had been brewing in this rich country for years.

Time seemed to stand still in this resource-rich country - although I note with regret the increasing numbers of cars and taller, newer malls this trip.

As the plane descended into Myanmar, I was struck once again by the rich, fertile green lands that spread in total flatness, with not a single hill or mountain in sight, a luxuriant land speckled with meandering streams, and from the plane, I can literally observe how the majestic Irrawaddy River dissects the country, flowing from North to South. Try as I might, I could not detect the damage done by Cyclone Nargis because all I could see was dense green landscapes and sprawling emerald rice fields, as abundant and verdant as the famed jade that Myanmar is known for. But when speaking with the Myanmar people during the trip, I learned that the damage of Cyclone Nargis was widespread and severe - and totally under-emphasised by their callous government. Travel by foreigners to the Irrawaddy Delta is now restricted.

It is a land of highly religious people and it shows in the ready smiles and warm hospitality of every Myanmar person you meet. A land where on the roads, you see groups of monks from little boys to older men and graceful nuns decked out in pink flowing robes. I love their night market where the hawkers sell their wares of live chicken and vegetables in stark candlelight, as power outages are so common here. Where you can still get into a taxi with a hole on the car's floorboard. And where 20 to 30 men squashed themselves into a small lorry, some standing outside the lorry, just beside the wheels.

These are mere facades to deeper troubles in the country - where the rich and the poor are universes apart. Where government doctors earn only US$70 a month and salaries of US$300 a month for a private practice doctor is considered wealthy. It is saddening that this is a land of immense natural resources - full of jade as well as precious stones and gems of all kinds, not to mention their very fertile land - and yet, with a greedy government that usurps all these resources to benefit their own kind. Where all the citizens shun clear of talking about their government with the many plainclothes spies around, and where they speak of the government to foreigners like me in hushed tones, in a resigned manner. The common saying of "One cannot choose one's parents" can be applied here, where these souls are born into different destinies in a government system forced onto their wills. Yet, their resilience and cheeriness touched me.

The media and communications blackout shrouded the country like a black cloud - no mobile connection for non-Myanmar telephone numbers, where it costs US$2,000 to own a cell phone for the Myanmar people and where all the major news websites and web emails are banned through the Internet.

Still, for a foreigner like me so used to information explosion everywhere, this communications blackout is a halcyon reprieve for me. Sometimes I wonder, will we be more happy without being exposed so much to global information? Are we all over-exposed to too much information?

Anyway, the most enjoyable part of my trip is coming home to see Little Bee sleeping fitfully with her chubby cheeks and her sweeping lashes. I am now looking forward to fetching Big Bee from school, eager to see her expression of surprise as she hopped down her school bus :)

A Wretched Mother

This was what I read with disenchantment in the news today. That a single Japanese mother left her twin toddlers in the care of her 6-year-old son, while she went gallivanting for 11 days with her boyfriend. Her elder son called her mobile for several dozen times a day but his calls were largely ignored. All she did was to place hamburgers, bread, cookies and other food at the entrance of the house once or twice a day. 9 days later, the 6-year-old called her to say his brother would not wake up. She returned to the house but did not have the courage to enter it. Instead, she went to a pub and got drunk. The next day, her son called her again, saying: 'He still won't wake up.' 2 days later, she finally returned home and found the two-year-old boy dead in a crib covered in garbage and faeces. She slapped the older boy's face and said: 'You are disqualified as my child. Though I'm responsible, you are also responsible. You must have eaten all the food by yourself.' According to the report, the toddler starved to death. The other twin toddler suffered from severe dehydration. She was sentenced to a mere 6 years in prison for this. But I am sure she will live a lifetime of guilt and despair. What's most saddening is that the 6-year-old told prosecutors: 'Mum told me I was fired because I didn't take care of the twins. It's all my fault.'

I cannot imagine this abominable act of neglect by a mother to her own flesh and blood. The physical destruction to her toddlers. The indelible psychological blemish to her 6-year-old child, at an age that is still too young to look after himself, much less a pair of toddlers, without a loving mother's protection.

Reading this story brought tears to my eyes, and I gazed at my 2 angels, vowing to protect them even fiercer for the rest of my life.

Travel Memoirs: Train Travel

The romance of train travel had always been written and filmed by intrepid travellers, and I couldn't agree more.

This morning, I was on a train from Hangzhou to Shanghai for a work trip, coming back home. I spent a good portion of the 1.5 hour trip entranced by the scenary outside. We passed by lots of emerald-green farms with hardworking farmers bent double over their crops, pretty pine trees, meandering streams, duck farms with numerous white ducks spilling from their land abode to the river, ubiquitous lilies growing gorgeously in still ponds. Living off the produce of nature is simply wonderful. I felt refreshed and revitalised.

Still, it is even more marvelous to be back home with my family tonight.

Saltwater

In my entry below, I talked about Big Bee's assembly where she sang Saltwater, one of my favourite songs. Here're the lyrics below, and Big Bee, if you are reading this when you are older, you sang this song when you were 6 :)

Saltwater by Julian Lennon

We are a rock revolving
Around a golden sun
We are a billion children rolled into one
So when I hear about the hole in the sky
Saltwater wells in my eyes

We climb the highest mountain
We'll make the desert bloom
We're so ingenious we can walk on the moon
But when I hear of how the forests have died
Saltwater wells in my eyes

I have lived for love
But now that's not enough
For the world I love is dying
And now I'm crying
And time is not a friend (no friend of mine)
As friends we're out of time
And it's slowly passing by ....right before our eyes

We light the deepest ocean
Send photographs of Mars
We're so enchanted by how clever we are
Why should one baby feel so hungry she cries
Saltwater wells in my eyes

I have lived for love
But now that's not enough
For the world I love is dying
And now I'm crying
And time is not a friend (no friend of mine)
As friends we're out of time
And it's slowly passing by ....right before our eyes

We are a rock revolving
Around a golden sun
We are a billion children rolled into one
What will I think of me the day that I die
Saltwater wells in my eyes

Pop Culture

Last term, Big Bee and her class sang Julian Lennon's "Saltwater" in their assembly performance. I was highly impressed and moved, and so was their teacher, who emphasised to the parents that the kids only learnt the entire song in one week. They were all so cute, swaying left and right to the rhythm of the music, holding a sheet of lyrics in their hands, singing feebly, hesitantly at first...and then their chorus of sweet, angelic voices magnifying to immense sweetness, glorifying the theme of that term, "Environment".

The melody stuck in my mind, and back home, I tried singing together with Big Bee, and explained the meaning of the lyrics to her.

In this world of tempestuous changes and global damage, I hope my kids can be aware of the true beauty of our planet, and not be apathetic to what really matters in our world...

Sex And The City

Last Thursday evening, I took some time off to watch the "Sex And The City" movie with 2 of my best single girlfriends. The movie evoked vessels of laughter, tricklings of tears and scoops of bittersweet emotions. For the movie is about love, friendship and happily-ever-after...universal themes of what all of us seek in life.

I am thankful for my many best friends (the single, the married, the in-between!) who had accompanied me through life's many splendours and the occasional periods of darkness. For their listening ears. Their shoulders to cry on. For our shared laughter. Common woes. And ultimately for understanding each other, standing by one another.

Without my best girlfriends, my life would be bleaker and harder to manage.

Memories

We had been unpacking the house for 6 days now. It was a gruelling task, but fulfilling when we saw our 60 boxes reducing to a mere 10 boxes now. Hubby and I had cleared almost all our stuff, and are in the process of clearing the Bees' stuff (they had about 20 boxes on their own, can you imagine!)

As I cleared my stuff, I chanced upon so many things from the past, memories that bring a smile to my tired face - autographs from primary school mates, written pats-on-the-back from ex-teachers, letters and well-wishing cards from my clique's best friends, love letters from hubby and other ex-boyfriends. Memories like these define who we are - our personality, our outlook, our choices in life. It made me realise the speed of time, how precious life is - and that life is truly a linear journey. It doesn't meander, it doesn't wait for anyone along its path. Once we miss out the little enjoyments that life provides, we miss out these moments forever. Which is why it is so important for us to live in the moment, to focus in the right-here-and-now, rather than over-indulging in the past or worrying too much about the future.

Hubby and I also saw old photos of Big and Little Bee, and gazed with wonderment at how fast and how much they had grown. From blur babies unaware of their parents and surroundings to highly alert and sensitive beings with their own feelings, thoughts and personalities. It is just so important to cherish every single day of our children's lives, to relish in their current stage rather than wishing them to grow up soon. For time is cruel, it will quickly swallow up our youth, eating its way into our prime, making no excuses if we fail to grasp precious moments.

It's amazing how moving house can stir up these past memories, making me realise just how precious life is.

2007 in a nutshell

Welcome to the last day of 2007. This had been a momentous year, with many significant events - from a new birth to our family, to us uprooting from our matrimonial home to a brand new place, to 3 sensational overseas trips, amongst other upheavals and beatitudes. Truly memorable.

Unfortunately, I am spending the last few days of the year in a hectic rush, scrambling for time, challenging it, begging for more of it - all in a bid to complete the very final module of my MBA assignment and examination due on the 2nd day of the new year, urgh!

However, I see the blessing in this. For next year will be a year overflowing with quality leisure time.

Happy New Year, everyone!