My April Baby

Today, I celebrate a full decade of being a parent.

Today, I think back to that fateful day 10 years ago when I first cast my eyes on a tiny newborn and was overwhelmed by the immensity of responsibility over another life.

Today, I want to thank my firstborn for paving the way for an unwitting plunge into parenthood - the myriad joys and bountiful love speckled with little moments of bittersweet anxieties.

Happy birthday, Big Bee - what an amazing and phenomenal journey the past 10 years had been with you.

Looking forward to more decades ahead :)

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Dearest Big Bee,

The short verse above was written in Facebook on your birthday. Was it just months ago when I first missed my period, and waited anxiously for the pregnancy indicator on that magic stick, only to be shell-shocked that I was pregnant with you - less than a year into your Papa's and my marriage? Was it just days ago when I saw you emerge from my swollen stomach, stunned, overwhelmed, my normally dry eyes brimming with dampness? Was it just moments ago when chubby you celebrated your first birthday, and started to walk? Was it just seconds ago that I could carry you in my arms wherever I went?

And now. Now. Look at you. A strapping young lady almost reaching my height. Instead of arms to lift you into my embraces, my arms surround you in a shoulder hug. Instead of a lap offered to a crawling you as a respite from all your large motor movements, we now sit in comfortable silence side-by-side, our hands - almost similar in size - in each other's laps. Instead of listening to your early evening colic cries, I now turn a listening ear to your daily gossips about school, teachers and friends. Instead of singing lullabies to you, I now chat with you as an adult, an equal, my friend.

Ten whole years.

These are uncountable seconds of boundless joy, love and happiness. Of course, there are also minutes draped in anxiety, in frustration, in tears, in anger. But most of all, these are hours that are indicative of a lifetime of eternal felicity with you, my first born.

An entire decade.

These are days of teaching me to be a first-time parent. For showing the way to nurture my (lack of) patience. For cultivating responsibility in a formerly bohemian me. For demonstrating to me what selfless love really is.

These are months of seeing my beautiful baby gradually but steadily transforming to an adorable and plump toddler, a sprightly yet reserved kindergardener, a level-headed and organised yet fun-loving primary school big kid.

An unbelievable decennium.

So, in this very instance, we are almost equals. I may nag at times. You may rant sometimes. I may be those typical kiasu and petty mums once in a while. You may seethe about how I don't treat you like a young independent lady. I may behave like a crazy teenager at times. And you. Oh my. My grown-up little girl. At those times, you do behave like you are the mother and I am the silly daughter. You are so judicious and mature.

But I hope you will understand that I am just trying my very best to let go and give way. Yet maintaining a precious bond of eternal friendship that means so much to me. Those little giggles. Those wonderful long chats over our solo lunch dates. Those beautiful moments when we just connected over raucous guffaws and exhilarating laughter. 

And I hope we can be the best of friends, till eternity.

A very happy decade of friendship and love to my firstborn. And you are just lovely by being no one but yourself. 

Big Bee from day 1 in her life to 10 years old. The numbers represent her ages through the years :)