'Twas The Night Before PSLE...

...and it was a stormy, rainy night. Just the perfect ambience for the start of the tumultuous PSLE (Primary School Leaving Exams), which is the national exams that all Singapore students take when they are 12 years old.

To many parents and schools, this is the culmination of 6 years of primary education, and signifies everything that primary school students had been working for.

Yet, I usually beg to differ when statements like these are mentioned to me because examinations - while an inescapable part of Singapore's education system - are never the be-all and end-all for our children. And I made this very clear to the Bees. So, when Big Bee lamented about how the PSLE will shape her life, she would most probably get a reprimand from me. I would usually tell her all the other things she could do in life if she could not fare well for the PSLE. I had seen a number of cases where young children were despaired and depressed over academic work, which ultimately led to unspeakable consequences. To me, my children's happiness is the most fundamental - and I would never wish to link their happiness to academic outcomes.

Regardless, this post is about the PSLE. I thought I should write a little about coping with the arduous journey of woeful 12-year-old children preparing for a major examination which, in many cases, takes up a significant portion of one of the most amazing milestones in a child's life - tweenhood. To place a major examination right in the middle of a year when our children are gradually growing up, discovering new sensations, emotions and feelings, understanding new perspectives....well, that is somewhat brutal. But this is what it is - we live in Singapore and we should just stop complaining.

Instead, it is so essential to show our children that we are not bothered by the PSLE, that there is life after PSLE (even if you score really badly), and that life still goes on in the PSLE year.

I thought of putting together a list of 3 philosophical approaches that we used to prepare Big Bee for the PSLE year, just as a reminder for me when it is Little Bee's turn!

Big Bee throwing her cap high up in exuberance in a trip to Cambodia in June

1) Maintain status quo in your social life
Do not stop CCAs, outings, gatherings with friends, or vacations, just because it is the big ol' PSLE year. Big Bee was even more committed in her CCA in school this year, and she went through two major exams for her piano and ballet lessons, which she truly enjoyed. We had more gatherings with her friends than before (because the kids just bonded so well as they grow older!), and she hosted her very first sleepover with her closest friends in May this year. We still went ahead with vacations, of which one staycation happened right before the mid-year exams! She also read so many more books than previous years (probably escapism at work here!).

As we inched closer to the PSLE, we had movie and bookshop gatherings with her friends and their parents, and we savoured their friendships even more, knowing that all of their classmates would not be together next year.

2) Communicate incessantly with your child
Kids are highly stressed out in the PSLE year because of the pressure given by school teachers. The amount of homework is fairly astounding....and distressing. The pep talks given by teachers - while helpful - can be taxing on their spirits as well. So at home, while it is important to talk about revision and studies, try to indulge in other topics as well.

Big Bee and I have nightly chats about the books that both of us read and love, the characters and plots in these books, as well as movies and music. When I sneaked into her room at night when she was studying, I tended to distract and lure her from her bookish concentration, and instead yakked about anything under the sun.

Of course I did nag at her to revise her work when I caught her using the mobile phone way too much. But more often than not, I was the main culprit who lured her into escapism...just so she could think about other things beyond the big exams. So much so that she ever commented to me sardonically, "Which mum would keep nagging me to stop revising and go to sleep?" or "Why are you always distracting me? Shhh!!"

Constant communication will also allow us to detect shifts of moods, tension or stress in our children, and we should try to talk it out with them. Just 2 hours ago, Big Bee was feeling the stress of the final D-Day tomorrow. Being a natural pessimist, she kept asking lots of "what-if" questions - what if I fail the PSLE? What if I have a mental block? What if the paper is super hard?

I just tried addressing all these in a light-hearted manner, although it can be alarming to the parents to hear some very pessimistic thoughts coming from our usually-cheery child!

3) Discuss options in worst-case scenarios
This is an issue that my mother and I had conflicts over. She believed in informing the child that a good education is the best option in life, and without it, life will cave in on you. While this advice is truly valuable (it shaped my entire life!), it also gives undue stress to a child, especially one with high expectations.

On the contrary, for me, I had always been telling Big Bee about the alternatives she could explore if she really could not do well for the PSLE. So much so that I decided to test her last week by asking, "What if you fail the PSLE?"....of which she quipped thoughtfully, "Well, I would retake the PSLE next year, and study even harder!" I was really happy to hear her response because it was such an improvement from her earlier, stressful thoughts of "PSLE determines my entire life!!!"

Finally, every child is different. These approaches tend to work for Big Bee, who is self-motivated but easily discouraged, and who is rather pessimistic, having a tendency to think unduly of worst-case scenarios. With Little Bee, our approaches might be very different! This is why parenting different children is such a joy - it is a roller-coaster ride of diverse styles for different children!