Why I Avoid Parent-Teacher Talks

Since the Bees entered primary school, I had only attended 2 parent-teacher talks (at the start of each of their primary 1 journey). I then deemed these talks highly invaluable, and stopped attending. I do not need to learn of my children’s personalities from teachers because I know them well. I do not need to listen to how inattentive or engaged they are in class because I believe all teachers should make their lessons interesting in order to capture the attention of their students. I do not need to know if they had or had not completed their homework, because truly, it is the onus of my children to do their own homework, and I believe that teachers should reinforce this message in school. I do not need to know how my child fared vis a vis her classmates, so long as I am personally happy with her performance. Finally, I do not believe in parent teacher talks probably because I grew up in an era when my own parents were too busy trying to earn a living for us and we also learned to take charge of our own destinies independently. And that is how I want my children to grow up.

Alas, I was “summoned” by Little Bee’s teacher for the parent-teacher meeting this year. Other than braving the long wait, I also have to jostle with irresponsible parents who were late or who took up extra time in their consultations irresponsibly. I also saw parents with teary eyes, red noses and anxious, depressed faces. And I lamented about the sad state of our primary education here in Singapore. My children are already in a holistic school where school co-curricular activities and huge fun events are regarded as important as academics. And even then, I saw such anxious faces amongst parents. It’s sad indeed.

To put everything into context, Little Bee is a year-end baby who is still very idealistic, naïve and filled with wide-eyed wonder and effervescence at everything around her. I love this personality trait about her – her bubbly optimism, her indefatigable enthusiasm and her zest in enjoying life to the fullest. Sure, I have to grapple with academic carelessness and untidiness (because she just wants to hurry and complete her work so she can play with her little ponies or read the next Harry Potter book). However, I had seen her grown this year – she is much more responsible in completing her own homework without me needing to ask her, and I think she had made an immense effort in making her writing and presentation of written work tidier. And I am a happy mum in this aspect.

Which was why I was so disappointed and baffled when Little Bee’s teacher started criticising how active and chatty she is in class (I know about her gregarious trait since she started to walk and talk!), how untidy she is in her work (I told the teacher that this year I already saw a marked improvement in her written work) and finally, to my shock, how childish she still is. Goodness, this little girl just turned 8 four months ago! So, in all politeness, I asked for examples of childishness, and she could not provide any, beyond the simple and thoughtless statement of “Hmmm, just very childish in her thinking, compared to many other classmates who were much more mature.” I was somewhat enraged because this is a little girl’s childhood that you are talking about. Why do you want children to grow up so quickly in this harsh world?

Truth be told, Little Bee was unwittingly streamed into what was known as a high-ability class in school, and from the beginning of this year, she already tried her best to keep up with her very capable and driven classmates. I really miss the good old years in primary 1 and 2, with totally loving and nurturing teachers and classmates who embrace holistic enjoyment in life. 

I bet I sound like a totally defensive parent, and my teacher friends would be telling me that education is a tripartite collaboration – with the school, parent and child. But what happens when our concept of education is just so different from what the teacher or the school system perceives? What happens when I am proud of what Little Bee had achieved already, that I know she had already put in effort this year, and it is precisely this effort that I chose to applaud. Not to compare her end results with some high achiever in her class?

It was a sad day indeed, and I pray very hard not to be summoned for another parent-teacher chat!