Why I Avoid Parent-Teacher Talks

Since the Bees entered primary school, I had only attended 2 parent-teacher talks (at the start of each of their primary 1 journey). I then deemed these talks highly invaluable, and stopped attending. I do not need to learn of my children’s personalities from teachers because I know them well. I do not need to listen to how inattentive or engaged they are in class because I believe all teachers should make their lessons interesting in order to capture the attention of their students. I do not need to know if they had or had not completed their homework, because truly, it is the onus of my children to do their own homework, and I believe that teachers should reinforce this message in school. I do not need to know how my child fared vis a vis her classmates, so long as I am personally happy with her performance. Finally, I do not believe in parent teacher talks probably because I grew up in an era when my own parents were too busy trying to earn a living for us and we also learned to take charge of our own destinies independently. And that is how I want my children to grow up.

Alas, I was “summoned” by Little Bee’s teacher for the parent-teacher meeting this year. Other than braving the long wait, I also have to jostle with irresponsible parents who were late or who took up extra time in their consultations irresponsibly. I also saw parents with teary eyes, red noses and anxious, depressed faces. And I lamented about the sad state of our primary education here in Singapore. My children are already in a holistic school where school co-curricular activities and huge fun events are regarded as important as academics. And even then, I saw such anxious faces amongst parents. It’s sad indeed.

To put everything into context, Little Bee is a year-end baby who is still very idealistic, naïve and filled with wide-eyed wonder and effervescence at everything around her. I love this personality trait about her – her bubbly optimism, her indefatigable enthusiasm and her zest in enjoying life to the fullest. Sure, I have to grapple with academic carelessness and untidiness (because she just wants to hurry and complete her work so she can play with her little ponies or read the next Harry Potter book). However, I had seen her grown this year – she is much more responsible in completing her own homework without me needing to ask her, and I think she had made an immense effort in making her writing and presentation of written work tidier. And I am a happy mum in this aspect.

Which was why I was so disappointed and baffled when Little Bee’s teacher started criticising how active and chatty she is in class (I know about her gregarious trait since she started to walk and talk!), how untidy she is in her work (I told the teacher that this year I already saw a marked improvement in her written work) and finally, to my shock, how childish she still is. Goodness, this little girl just turned 8 four months ago! So, in all politeness, I asked for examples of childishness, and she could not provide any, beyond the simple and thoughtless statement of “Hmmm, just very childish in her thinking, compared to many other classmates who were much more mature.” I was somewhat enraged because this is a little girl’s childhood that you are talking about. Why do you want children to grow up so quickly in this harsh world?

Truth be told, Little Bee was unwittingly streamed into what was known as a high-ability class in school, and from the beginning of this year, she already tried her best to keep up with her very capable and driven classmates. I really miss the good old years in primary 1 and 2, with totally loving and nurturing teachers and classmates who embrace holistic enjoyment in life. 

I bet I sound like a totally defensive parent, and my teacher friends would be telling me that education is a tripartite collaboration – with the school, parent and child. But what happens when our concept of education is just so different from what the teacher or the school system perceives? What happens when I am proud of what Little Bee had achieved already, that I know she had already put in effort this year, and it is precisely this effort that I chose to applaud. Not to compare her end results with some high achiever in her class?

It was a sad day indeed, and I pray very hard not to be summoned for another parent-teacher chat! 

Parenting Tweens 101

Big Bee is fast propelling into her teens, after a relatively unruffled ride as a tween. There were some bumpy and tumultuous moments at the beginning of her tweenhood, as exemplified here. The start of tweenhood would always be challenging for most parents, as we grapple with their fight for independence and their angst at battling their own hormonal changes.

Sometimes, I suspect tweenhood is invented for parents. It is like a buffer time period to cushion the separation anxieties for most parents! As I read back on my old posts on tweenhood, I smile at myself for being unwilling to let go, for worrying over the most trivial matters, for wanting to embrace the "babyhood" of Big Bee. Because, right now, as she is into her teens, I am enjoying the sweet fruition of sensible, companionable chats with Big Bee, sometimes seeking her wise opinions on issues in life, sitting back and not worrying about how she runs her life, and more importantly, having a lot more quality time to myself.

I am still adjusting my parenting style as Little Bee is trundling towards her tweenhood soon. In fact, I am already observing the same signs of independence-seeking incidents and moody meltdowns in Little Bee this year!

While I won't profess to be the perfect tween mum, here were some strategies which I used and these had proven to produce very fulfilling outcomes!

1) We MUST let go
- This is non-negotiable. Letting go, and allowing them the freedom to explore what they want is fundamental in gaining their respect for you as parents. This means allowing them the freedom to meet with their friends, visiting places that you normally would not allow, not bugging them over the phone, and not insisting that they call you every hour!

2) Accept that their peers are more important than you ... now
- This is a no-brainer. We had all been there and done that. They are surrounded by peers all day long in school and you are no longer their paramount source of information and opinions. By acknowledging the importance of their friends (and their weird opinions and advice at times), it actually helps to bring down the guard of your tween and make them open up more to you.

3) Befriend their friends
- I love to hang out with Big Bee's friends. They are such a bright, happy and funny bunch of teens. And I try not to act all adult-like and serious when I am with them. They like it when you are silly and listen to them without judgement (I think!). Once you know your tween's friends, it is such fun gossiping and chatting about their friends together.
- Set up an Instagram account (no self-loving tween is on Facebook these days) and link yourself with all your tween's friends while they are still open to having parents as social media friends! You can also check out what your tween or her friends posted, which is really important in keeping yourself up-to-date with the rapid developments in their lives

4) Listen to your tween
- And by listening, I mean truly sitting down and listening to their wishes, their hopes, their dreams. And just listen. Without judgement. Sometimes it is tempting to just put in our "adult judgements" on the things they want to do, but try to take a back seat and let them experiment with life. This is the time when they can learn about failures and successes, while having a thin lifeline to you and still possessing enough child-like dependence to listen to you at times (compared to their hardened teenhood!)
- It is ideal to have some alone-time with your tween every day to catch up on his or her day. 10 minutes of pure listening and chatting. No judgement :)

5) Get to know what they like...and immerse yourself in those activities!
- Which explains why I had been immersing myself in teen fiction, teen music, teen ... erm...fashion!? Okay, maybe not the last one. But yes, learn to enjoy teen fiction and talk giddily with them about their favourite characters, couples, whatnots!

Whatever it takes, tweenhood is a definite constant - and a new phase in our ever-changing parenting journey!

I Refuse To

This evening, Little Bee cried and told me she would be scolded by her teacher for not buying the Chinese Moral Studies activity book. Tomorrow would be Week 5 of the academic school year after all, and she is the only student in class not to have that book. Feeling guilty, I reassured her that I would go to school and check if the book is available in the bookstore. We scoured a couple of large Popular bookstores today, but it was sold out in these outlets, and she was not thrilled about it. But she could not chastise me for long because she only told me she needed that book last week. And I usually do not keep track of what books are missing after I bought all her textbooks in school. 

Within a split second, she cheered up considerably (this is the ever-optimistic Little Bee for you!). I was secretly thankful that I was on the receiving end of her nags...and not the other way round.

And this is how I try to govern school work with my 2 Bees since 7 years ago, when Big Bee first entered the highly stressful environment of the Singapore education system. 

When other parents asked me what homework was given today, I told them I do not know because I had not looked into their notebooks or homework files. 

I refuse to. Because this is the responsibility of my child, and not me. And if they found out they had forgotten to do their homework, they are the ones who will get reprimanded by the teacher. And I can save a session of nagging in exchange for more quality time together. 

When I heard about how parents had to intervene and correct their children's mistakes in their school work, I told them I have no idea what crazy answers my children gave ... because I had never looked through my child's completed homework. 

I refuse to. Because this is their homework, and they should do it themselves. So that their teachers can understand the full extent of the level of their standards as students. And I can just ask my children pleasantly, "So, have you finished your homework? Great! Now let's do some reading!" No flipping through their worksheets furtively, only to feel angst if there were some wrong answers. 

(Okay, sometimes I cheated and looked through their work just to find out where their level of understanding was. But I do not tell them if I spotted wrong answers!)

Of course, there are exceptions when they asked me for help with their homework. But since young, I had always been telling them that their school work is for them to handle alone, and they should not ask me for help. That should be the responsibility of their teachers. And I am thankful to my Bees' school and teachers who had always been insisting in the same message as me - "Parents, do NOT help with homework. We will do that!" So, the girls hardly asked me for help, unless it is some terribly challenging homework (which they seldom get from school anyway!). 

When I hear other parents complaining about English and Chinese spelling, I can totally understand their agony. Because it can be very frustrating to expect the kids to know every word on their spelling lists. Sometimes, I do not even know how to write certain Chinese words on their lists! 

So I refuse to be angry if the Bees - especially playful and forgetful Little Bee! - kept asking me to show them the words so they can refer to them. Or if they make repeated mistakes day after day. Or if they write or spell a word wrongly that they got correct the night before. I will just keep showing them the list until they get it correct. And they might come back with lower marks than usual. But hey, that is fine, I told them. Get better marks the next time. 

Our unforgiving education system is already so stressful, and sometimes I feel really angry with this system for ruining the beautiful childhood that my children could have enjoyed. But well, we live in this country, so we just have to abide by it! The best thing we could do is give our children some slack and not drill them so much. And give ourselves a piece of peace (pun intended!) by letting go and asking our children to handle their homework themselves. In addition to less nagging and lowered blood pressure, this also helps them to be more independent and hopefully, more persevering. Don't know a Math problem? Think harder! Don't remember a word for spelling? Take a look and try again! Don't know how to do your comprehension? Read again and write what you think is correct!

What resulted is this marvellous peace at home where school work is concerned. Unfortunately, I am still a stickler for punctuality and completing your work at the right time. So, sadly, I am still a drill sergeant asking them to "go do your work NOW" or "I am going to count to 3 so hurry up and come brush your teeth!" or "You need to sleep in 5 minutes' time!" 

I am still trying very hard to change this aspect of mine that is chasing the clock incessantly, abiding by it tirelessly and timing our activities right down to the second. Not a lot of success in letting go of this area, of flippantly dismissing the importance of time yet! 

Of Chalkboards And Clean Slates

To demonstrate the significance of life's impermanence, Tibetan monks will painstakingly create intricately designed sand mandalas. For months, they bent over the ground, arranging the sand grain by grain. Once their beautiful creations were perfected and completed, they cheerfully destroyed it in the ultimate celebration of impermanence.

Impermanence is the fundamental nature of the human condition. Yet, most of us are living our lives in a constant state of worry, denial and regret - and that is what's causing our supposed fears. Change is a constant reassurance that we consistently learn from the undulating affairs around us. Yet, we are often shocked by definitive constants like deaths, even though death is the most predictable outcome of life - more so than births, in this age of contraceptives and birth control tactics.

We emphasised the concept of impermanence with the Bees through simple chalk play one balmy evening. We hope that a better understanding of impermanence might help them to become more resilient, adaptable beings in future, able to face the myriad challenges that will appear in their lives soon.
We bought a box of colourful, cheerful chalks and painted a wall in our home black. We then spent the gloaming scribbling and sketching on the wall, drawing favourite pictures that bring us comfort and happiness. The Bees were mighty satisfied with the outcome of our family montage! Thereafter, we left the wall to the elements (this is an external wall, exposed to the elements).

Two days later, there was a huge downpour that wiped the entire wall clean of our sketches. After the rain, we observed the sad, faded imprints of our sketches and I felt a little sorry that our hard work was gone. However, I was surprised that the Bees exclaimed excitedly that they can start drawing all over again - on a clean slate!

And that is what life is about, isn't it? Building up things with people we love, appreciating them but not being overly-attached to them. And if something happened to shake up the foundation of these things, we cheerfully move on in life on a clean slate. Easier said than done, of course, but the Bees' approach to their chalkboard gave me something to learn and think about. I hope they can take this same attitude to the many vicissitudes in their lives next time!

A Reluctant Good-bye To A Fabulous Year

2014 had been a really rewarding and fulfilling year for us. It was filled with unexpectedly pleasant surprises and lots of learning experiences. It was a year of milestones for the girls - with Big Bee ending the fundamental primary school chapter in her life, and Little Bee walking an inch closer to being an upper primary girl (can you imagine my little baby heading towards upper primary?!).

I guess the biggest "hurdle" had been Big Bee's PSLE experience, but we started last year with the philosophy that the PSLE is just another exam, and that we should not compromise on anything in our lives for this exam. And I was glad we lived up to that. There was minimal stress and life still went on in terms of overseas vacations, weekend outings, gatherings with friends, extracurricular activities in school, etc.

Last year was a year that I witnessed tremendous maturity and growth in Big Bee. She grew from an angsty tween to a wonderful teenager-to-be who shared lots of gossips with me. It came with a price though. This year was the year that I fed myself on loads of young adult fiction, lingo, social media and movies, just so I could keep up with her friends and her. But it helped that we read and watched their stuff, because that opened up so many conversations and it felt kind of wonderful when her friends called me a "cool mum"!

Despite the PSLE, Big Bee got into the school netball team with loads of practices. I encouraged that because I think extracurriculars are what make well-rounded, healthy and well-adjusted tweens. For the first 7 months of the PSLE year, she was practising in school 3 times a week, only coming home at 6pm in the evenings. For the first quarter of the year, she was also loaded with piano and ballet practices - all of which helped her to destress and deviate her mind from academic work, she admitted to me. She also went on a research trip with her classmates and teachers to Hong Kong, and it really enriched her perspectives on social values.

One of the best things that we did was to prepare her DSA personal statements. That helped her reflect on her life and past experiences, and we were able to talk a lot about these past experiences and what she looks forward to in future. She also switched her goals from a typical top school offering the A-levels to her current dream school with a different, more analytical form of education. We are constantly thankful for what she had been blessed with and from now on, her future endeavours would be up to her to craft and shape.

As for Little Bee, primary 2 had been fun and leisurely for her, as always. We were extremely lucky to be blessed with an excellent form teacher for Little Bee, who was also her form teacher in primary 1. She is a caring, committed and warm teacher, and all the students (and parents!) love her so much! I believe this teacher is a great inspiration to Little Bee, who had done surprisingly well in her school work last year, despite her highly playful nature.

I am really happy that Little Bee - being her happy-go-lucky self - loves school and treats school as one gigantic playground. Being a highly gregarious and sociable girl, she also had lots of good friends whom she bonded with. Last year, she began to devote herself more to her dance CCA in school, and was delighted to be part of a huge charity concert on the last day of school. She had also completed her swim course and is now swimming well.

The Bees' reading adventures had been colourful this year. Big Bee read a total of 100+ books last year (yes, the OCD her kept a record of the books she read), and is very into young adult, dystopian series like The Hunger Games, Divergent series, etc. As for Little Bee, she is full on into Enid Blyton and Roald Dahl, having completed all of Roald Dahl's children fiction and Enid Blyton's Enchanted Woods and Malory Towers series. She had started on the Harry Potter and Percy Jackson series, but still prefers Enid Blyton and Roald Dahl for now!

2014 had been fun and beautiful for the Bees - let's hope 2015 will bring lots of equally enriching experiences too!

Purging Urgency From Our Lives

The day I read this article, I cried. The article was about letting our children smell the roses. Dawdling in their own little ways just so they can explore the world. Being inadvertently languid because they are curious about so many different things around them. Asking all kinds of thoughtful questions at bedtime simply because they do not understand the ways of the world ("Why are there wars, mama? Is there a God in this world? Why are there different religions? Where did we come from? Did God create us, or did we evolve from apes?")

Yet, how many times have I clamped them down by telling them to "hurry up" or "you need to sleep now. We will talk about that tomorrow. Goodnight!" - only to remember days later that I did not address any of their questions "tomorrow". And how many spurious "tomorrows" have I made empty promises with?

Reading this article was a huge wake-up call for me because I also happened to have a little daughter who is just like Hands Free Mama's second girl - a Little Bee who simply has no schedules, worries or sense of urgency in her life. She is content to just observe butterflies flitting amongst pretty blossoms when all of us are hurrying to our destinations. She is happy to just sit and sing to herself when it is time for homework. She will happily squat down and blow hard at a plump dandelion when we are walking to her tuition class. At the supermarket cashier, she would sweetly (and loudly!) chirped a resounding "thank you!" incessantly, not bothering about the queue behind us - until the cashier acknowledged her with a smile.

The saddest thing is her rebuttal to my copious "hurry up" - "Mama, just one more page, please..." (when she is reading before bedtime) or "Mummy, one more minute, pleaaasseee!" (when she is doodling just before homework time).

In this time-strapped world (and in a very stressful Singapore), and for a working mother like me with very little time with the kids, how can we stop and smell the roses with our children? How do we tell them "To heck with homework and exams in Singapore, just live in the present and do what you want now!"? How do we balance a frenetic life in Singapore with the vivacity of quiescence?

Sadly, till now, I still have no answers to these questions. And although hubby and I try finding opportunities in every second to let our girls enjoy the little beauties of this splendid world, we are still saying "hurry up" in small doses, albeit in a more mindful manner.

Spending lots of time outdoors and just doing nothing helps to perpetuate the "no hurry up" philosophy for us! 

Reading "And Tango Makes Three"

Now that the furor had died down with regards to the Singapore National Library Board banning a few children's books and then reinstating a couple of them back in the adult section, I thought it might be an appropriate time to finally relate what I had been sharing with my kids about this whole saga.

Truth be told, I was exasperated with the National Library Board (NLB) for initially censoring the books - not because I was siding any side of the LGBT factions here - but because I seethed at the thought that NLB tried acting as an omniscient, all-knowing power who thinks they could control what the general population wants. Unnecessary and partisan censorship was at the heart of the issue for me.

Now that everything had died down, it is not necessary to talk about the antipathy I felt against the banning of these books. Instead, I wanted to relate how I brought my children into the heart of the discussion, as this is something that will be so fundamental in their society in future - analysing how media and society portray different issues to the population. In this day and age where internet and online articles are so prevalent, how do we nurture our children to question what they read and develop informed perspectives of their own?

I always believe in opening all communications with my children from a very young age with regards to knowledge and information. I prefer to expose them to all kinds of issues from young and discussing with them about values, rather than shielding them and compartmentalising different knowledge to age-appropriate categories. Because I do not believe there is an appropriate age for knowledge. Instead, I feel that if they had been sheltered for too long, they might be moulded by societal and peer pressures to form views that I have no control over. Hence, I prefer to transfer knowledge to them directly and have them voice out their thoughts honestly to me. Which is why sex education started at the age of 4 in my household. And why we talked about sensitive issues of death, war, rape and molestation from the age of 7. Of course, values are a big part of the discussions, and I would like to start influencing their value system from a young age, before they form any pre-conceived judgements of their own. (Again, sometimes I also have issues with me being an omniscient, all-knowing entity to my kids...but that is a story for another time!)

Being aware of societal issues and our attitudes towards these issues is very important to me. Which is why I decided to let the Bees read "And Tango Makes Three" during the heart of the saga. So that they could understand all sides of the discussions. It was initially hilarious as we settled down to read a "banned" book. You know how thrilled kids are when they access something that is banned!

As we read the book, the Bees had reactions and insights that were very surprisingly mature, and we discussed about issues of censorship, love, LGBT and society's acceptance of myriad people. I let them know my viewpoints of certain issues, and they responded with their own perspectives. Of course, being 8 and 12 years old also meant that they already had pre-conceived notions of certain issues in life, and I found our discussions refreshing because I also learned unexpected perceptions from them.

It was an illuminating afternoon of open discussion and understanding each of my girls' thoughts, perspectives and personalities. But one thing that hit me was: despite all the belligerence in the mass media, the Bees remained unfazed and nonchalant, and wondered what the fuss was all about. I guess this confirmed my belief that children tend to be more curious if we shield them from knowledge. And instead of letting them harbour misinformed judgements on their own, I would rather be there every step of the way while I can.

PSLE and CCAs

OK, I know I just put 2 incredible acronyms into the title of this post, which might be baffling for some! For those who do not already know, PSLE = Primary School Leaving Examinations in Singapore and CCAs = Co-curricular (or extra-curricular) activities.

I cannot believe that this year is Big Bee's PSLE year and I guess I am still in denial. Whenever people found out that I have a kid going through PSLE this year, their responses would invariably be, "You must be very stressed!" or "You must be very busy revising with her!". However, fortunately (or unfortunately), I am not stressed, neither am I busy revising with her! In fact, work takes up so much of my time now that I really hope fervently she knows what she is doing on her own.

But this post is not about how we are managing the PSLE, although the real answer to that is that we are doing the same things as per previous years. We are still planning for movies and musicals to watch and places to go to on weekends, and I am still planning for vacations in June!

This post is about how much I believe in a well-rounded education for our children, and a bit about my anger when I see parents in Singapore pushing their kids to a wholly academic path, just to get good grades in key examinations like the PSLE. To me, every kid has only one year in their lives when they are 12 - that milestone threshold between being a big kid and a teen, that year of awakening when they have more mature perspectives, that year of awareness and realisation of their changing bodies and increasing curiosity about sexuality and non-platonic relationships. And yet, sadly, in Singapore, it is also the year of the PSLE.

I heard of parents forcing their children to drop all CCAs in Primary 6, and worse still, schools advocating this policy! I heard of parents doubling up on tuition, just to have a last burst to drill their kids. And worst of all, I heard of parents artificially pushing their kids' musical, sports or leadership positions in school, just so they can get a bid at the Direct School Admissions (DSA) exercise - when passions are overlooked for a tangible outcome of getting into their preferred schools.

For Big Bee, she is still as active in school and non-academic classes as before. She wanted to have a break from ballet in school this year, despite her past achievements in this CCA, and despite the many requests from her disappointed ballet teacher who had been incessantly telling her to stay on. I guess this is a phase of exploration for her as well, where she wants to get out of her comfort zone and be challenged in things that she had not always been doing.

So, she told me she wanted to try out in the trials for softball and netball, where they are looking for people in the school team. Being naturally athletic (not my genes!), she made it through the trials and into the school teams of both netball and softball. She chose netball in the end, for the kind of bonded teamwork and competition associated with it. And just yesterday, she was inaugurated into the school netball team!

Playing for the school team takes a lot of time and effort, of which many primary 6 mothers (including my own mother) frowned upon, who kept asking me if she would be better off studying and revising, instead of spending 6 to 7 hours a week after school to train for netball competitions. Sometimes, these questions got me worried - am I too relaxed? Is she falling behind in studies because of the crazy amount of time spent in practice, after which she will come home, too fatigued to do much work? Questions that frankly, after peer pressure from other mothers, make me question my objectives of encouraging her to take on a time-consuming sport in her PSLE year. Some mothers did ask me, "Why not chess club where they meet once a week and where their brains can be stimulated?" or "Why not Math or Science Olympiads because some schools prefer kids from the Olympiad programmes for their DSA!"

And recently, questions arose from Big Bee herself, "Mummy, why are you not putting me in English and Science tuition? Maybe they can help me boost my PSLE score!" (She had never had Science tuition before, and only went on less than a year of English tuition in primary 4, after which we stopped). Kiasu her even questioned why I am planning for a June holiday when she prefers to revise for the PSLE throughout the whole holiday! Swirling, disturbing questions. And I must admit, I am swayed sometimes.

Yet, I am glad that Big Bee's school is a holistic one, and I have fellow mothers there who are still putting their children through CCAs that are non-academic in nature, even in the PSLE year. And most of us have the same approach to PSLE - take it easy and "see how it goes." I am really thankful for that support of like-minded mothers.

I guess what I am trying to say in this blog post is to allow our kids to really pursue their passions in whatever things they request, for them to try new things, and get out of their comfort zones - even at the expense of time that could be spent on studies. Every time she is back from her netball practice, glowing with adrenaline but fatigued by the hours of competitive sportsmanship, I would tell myself that this is a right decision.

And I think as parents, it is important for us to put forth lots of calm and composure in front of our kids before major examinations. So that they understand there is more to life than academic achievements. Big Bee and I have had long discussions this year about many "what-ifs". There is a lot of emphasis from their teachers about academic achievements, and the biggest "what-if" question from her was, "What if I did badly in the PSLE?" which to me, is a masked question for "Will you still love me?". So, as parents, so long as we assure our kids about our complete acceptance and love for them, regardless of whatever they achieve, I think that gives them enough confidence to stride on in this world, especially in a cruel world where there are increasingly more depression cases amongst children.

Reining In Versus Letting Go

Big Bee has entered tweenhood full swing this year - the year that she turns 11. There are now a lot more peer pressure, more playdates (or outings, as the tweens would like these to be called) where parents are strictly kept out of (!). Her priorities had shifted to her friends (although she is still a very homely girl who loves her family a lot!). She has more unfathomable meltdowns and mood swings over issues which we parents think are trivial, and she is a lot more sensitive about her privacy.

Welcome to the challenging world of tweenhood - where they are straddling that thin line between childish innocence and cynical adolescence, where parents like us cannot help but still perceive them as our little babies, although they are actually struggling to break free of our smothering embraces in public (although they can still be very affectionate in private, at home! "Just play it chill in public, please, Mum, for goodness' sake!") Sigh.

Last Sunday, Hubby and I reluctantly agreed to letting her attend her best friend's birthday party at the Marine Life Park of RWS. When I first received the SMS from the birthday girl's mum, I was unfazed, thinking that she would be safe, just going to the S.E.A Aquarium. Until the mother informed me to pack a swimsuit for Big Bee for the Adventure Cove Park.

Thoughts of big, dangerous waterslides and deep, thrashing wave pools circulated around my head. I could not imagine Big Bee with a handful of close friends, with minimal adult supervision, going crazy all alone in a large water theme park. What if an accident happens? What if she slipped and fell? What if she met some baddie stranger? Lots of negative, imaginary incidents started populating in my crazed mind.

We could easily say no to her outing, but this will undermine her trust in us, and could possibly aggravate her alienation from us. I thus spent the whole Sunday twiddling my thumbs (while enjoying some precious quality time with Little Bee!) and waiting for her to text me once in a while - filled with worry and trepidation.

At the end of the day, she came back - radiant, joyous and liberated in the fact that she had such wonderful fun with friends. And yakked incessantly about all the fabulous water rides she took with her friends. And I am sort of relieved that I had not disagreed to this outing.

I guess this is the beginning of yet another threshold for Big Bee and me. The threshold of letting go for a parent. The new chapter of balancing my child's personal social life with her family life. The dawn of a new era where I need to sit back in the shadows, quietly observing her with eagle-sharp eyes, and letting her grapple with life's realities on her own, only to emerge from the shadows with help whenever she asked for me.